And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
