i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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