I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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