I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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