Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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