best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
