I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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