i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
