I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
