oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
