dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
