She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
