I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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