we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
