Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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