We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
