Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
