If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
