I think im going to throw up on grandma
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
