i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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