He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
