i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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