a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Panties = found
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
