Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
