he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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