oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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