i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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