No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
No subtext here. People are naked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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