I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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