Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
