textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
