Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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