Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
