who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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