She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
