i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
