my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
