I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
