Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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