Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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