I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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