We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize