woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
