its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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