dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
