I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
