I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
