I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is the high leading the old right now
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
