I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
