We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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