Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
