he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
