I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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