ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
