He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
