he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
