we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
