I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
