i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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