He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
