bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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