I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
