I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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