Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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