"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
