Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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