hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
