I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
