if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
one might say we're banned from that church
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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