Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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