a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
