New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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