I think scott just propositioned me for sex
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
