nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
