I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
