i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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